Wednesday, 9 May 2012

The truth about Auckland: Remuera

Auckland (Awk-land)....

Otherwise known by the name "The City of Sales" after its picturesque harbour. Auckland is the largest populated city in New Zealand and with over 200 different suburbs is home to a multitude of people and cultures.

You can read more about Auckland via these links here:

Interesting right?

Well......the plot thickens indeed.

In this particular series "The truth about Auckland" I will bring to you.........

Well....The truth about Auckland, the stuff they really don't want outsiders to know, and perhaps even a few things the locals are oblivious to themselves.

Today's spotlight shines down on the suburb of Remuera.

Remuera - if not the centre of the world, the 7000+ population would at least like to think that they're the centre of Auckland.
Remuera of course is where the rich folk live and where the semi wealthy say they live. It's home to a number (well most of them really) of home grown celebrities including - I believe - New Zealand's leader, John Key (yes our prime minister does sound like something you'd take from a gas station attendant if you wanted to use the toilet) .
If you think in terms of a profile or a status ladder, or pyramid - whatever turns you on, Remuera would be the one suburb on the top that looks down on all the rest. Its the kind of place that other suburbs go to to hunt through trash in order to get their hands on unwanted good condition belongings.

But while the socialites of Remuera dine alfresco outside their tiny little coffee shops, sipping away at Chai Lattes and nibbling on their biscotti, snubbing their noses at anyone who is not within their higher income circles, I laugh to myself and wonder what they would think if they knew the history and the true meaning behind beloved little haven of wealth:

Remuera (Rem-oo-weara)

Comes from the Maori* term Remu-Wera, meaning nothing more than "Burnt Bum"

As the story goes, the land that is now to be known as Remuera was once home to a Maori tribe who was at war with a neighbouring Hauraki tribe.
It is said that as a result of this war the Wife of the Hauraki tribes Chief was captured and eaten in a cannibalistic ritual on that very spot thus they named the land "Burnt Bum" as taunt to torment the now widowed Chief.
Simple times I guess - regardless of whether it was one awesome Barbecue or the Chieftainess was somewhat of a Kardashian in her time, I guess the local Maori had the right to name their land whatever they want, and the name obviously stuck.

So I do wonder if the modern day "high and mighty" really know they're talking up a charred piece of Ass? I honestly believe that it is enough to make a vast number of residents to move - oh the shame of it all!!

But I guess its not as bad as trying to explain living here....

Take care of yourselves and remember : Ceiling insulation is no substitute for Cotton Candy




  1. LOL...that is f$cking awesome, Sam. great story!

    1. Thanks for the feedback Kris, I hope to have more entries like this at a later date - keep your eyes posted :)

  2. Sam, now you have to figure a way to get this information to the good citizens of Burnt Bum. Perhaps a letter to the editor of their local paper.

    1. Interesting to note NP, that the residents of Burnt Bum are trying their best to argue against the true meaning - claiming that the true translation is "Burnt Hemp". So I guess they'd rather be known as Suburbian Stoners than the Charred Asses.

      However I still believe the translation is up in the air - if you consider the English language we speak today differs to the Shakespearian English of yesterday - so to does the Maori language and it's meanings.